t gets worse every year and it’s the dumbest violence I can imagine. Is pepper spray, trampling, screaming, and brawling really necessary? It’s going to keep getting worse until people get killed and even then it will continue to get worse. And not that I’m defending shopping, I’m not. And all just to go buy stuff. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not defending shopping. This is the time of year I stock up on egg nog and bottled cynicism. I expect to just not leave the house unless it’s attacked by a 40’ tall robotic snowman (which I secretly hope will happen just so I can loudly announce at parties, ‘I was attacked by a 40’ tall robotic snowman,’ so I can attain the popularity I was denied in high school).

But the rest of it? It’s embarrassing. The world is going to develop an even more highly-refined sneer at the pathetic, indulgent idiocy of Americans and I’m going to work harder on perfecting my Canadian accent before I flee to France where everything is perf…

Oh crap.